


Azthagoraphobia

by MarinofNohr



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gay, Gen, Go read my fire emblem fic babes this shit is a trah fire waiting to gnite, Gotta get max clicks loves, I feel like homestuck is very appearent in my vernaculary and i dont like it, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This bitch be a year long WIP and tthis shit till aint even on the tracks cause thats how we be, appaerent?, ignite, in the form of convoluted bullshit, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 16:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15147317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarinofNohr/pseuds/MarinofNohr
Summary: We’ve all had those moments when we’ve felt the crushing feeling of being left out. The one when your entire group of friends are shrieking about about their latest obsession that you've never heard of, when an old inside joke has lost enticement and everyone looks at you like you're insane, the inside joke that went over your head but everyone else is laughing and for some damn reason it feels like the laughter is at you. So, you may ask how does one cope? Well some people go to therapy, some enjoy playing god and ruin lives and others sit around waiting for their moment.Me? I summon Satan.Because I take morally grey and buy every goddamn shade there is.





	Azthagoraphobia

We’ve all had those moments when we’ve felt the crushing feeling of being left out. The one when your entire group of friends are shrieking about about their latest obsession that you've never heard of, when an old inside joke has lost enticement and everyone looks at you like you're insane, the inside joke that went over your head but everyone else is laughing and for some damn reason it feels like the laughter is at you.  
I've spent my entire life alone, parents fucked off a couple years back for some business trip then never came back. They still pay the bills though so, really who cares, I have my vast collection tomes to keep me company. My personal favorite from my arsenal is the brilliantly named ‘Cash Muns’.  
A story about a bunch of teen pirates and their quest to save their cursed friend. Something about curling up by the outdoor pool in my finest silk with apple juice, naturally in a wine glass, and reading about the close knit group of friends as they discover the true love was the one they held for each other never fails to make me grin. I stretch out my arm running my fingertips against the worn spines of my collection. I imagine myself akin to a dragon, ready to defend my precious hoard. I let out a thoughtful hum tapping my finger idly against the books for a moment then pull out one of my prized jewels, ‘Viridion’ the tale of the elven king putting the pieces of his kingdom back together with the help of his winged friend and co-ruler Skye.  
Needless to say it was very gay and they are my sons. I chuckle a bit to myself clutching the hefty novel to my chest and journey towards the basement.

*~*~*~*

I've always wondered what I smell like to other people,maybe I smell like my parents room a posh mix between expensive perfumes and colognes, or the library's subtle smell of aged books and flowers perhaps I caught the vague scent of cinnamon and iron that the dimly lit basement before me cultivated, maybe something as trivial as smell pushed the human population away from me. I run my fingers against the grey walls and I stride down the steps until my toes meet the carpet as soft its pastel pink colouring. I edge toward the center of the room where I cut a hole in the carpet kneeling down and dropping down and crossing my legs and letting my boom down with a thud. I pop my lower lip in my mouth in concentration as I place both hands on the cover and lower my body in a bowing motion. A bright light emits illuminating the once dim room and a voice whispers in my ear;  
-needed nectar of the gods, virgin blood, and seven candles-  
Firstly, what I needed was Nectar of the gods, which..had to be honey, I wasn’t really sure what kind or how much of honey was needed so, to be safe I got as many jars as I could find in my collection and dropped them there. Next, was virgin blood and I assumed I would suffice since my blood hasn’t been used in a blood ritual but, then of course, I remembered the mere sight of blood makes me a bit...off so, I just poured red wine, Satan can deal with it. Lastly, what I needed was seven candles which was really easy because I could just use my menorah.

‘Are you ready…’The voice was young and feminine, authoritative and yet not above a whisper. ‘Ah…,’The voice sighs out lightly ‘...A human…’ 

And then an earsplitting shriek resounds. 

My ears ring the room fills with an ominous thick grey smoke impairing my sigh and flooding my ears. I jump backwards, clutching my chest. I breathe in through my nose as my heart rate goes up, trying to ignore the sudden sweat building in my palms.  
A condescending ‘tsk’ takes over the room.

“Yet another,” The shake of the head was audible. 

“Another one in search of power only to cower when they have it, I'd be lying if I said this practice wasn't tiring- quit screaming you're ruining my entrance.” 

I snap my jaw shut with an audible clack.

“I'll just get comfortable while you naturally revel in my aura.” A creature appears before my eyes in the form of a man with skin lightly tinted red with long curled russet locks cascading just under his shoulders and white ram horns. Also he was naked.  
Very very naked.

I bite my lip “You’re...Satan?” 

“Please..call me Lucifer.”He drawls eyeing me with a vague interest. 

“Alright- um- Lu-ci-fer,” I curl my tongue around the letters of the foreign yet familiar name. “How would you l-like some clothes?”

Lucifer blinks. “What, why.”

“Luci-,” A sharp vibration is felt in my pocket. 

“No name shor-.”

“Excuse me I have to take this.” I sigh going to sit on the floor. Going by my recent seclusion away from all of society, I had a feeling this was the The Call.

“Yuu-” I hold the phone away from my ear crinkling my nose. This was definitely the call.  
Lucifer plucks the device from my hand into his much larger one. If i were a competent human being i'd say “Give me my phone back oh master of the hellish underworld!” 

“Oh okay..” 

However the mere thought of commanding someone makes my throat seize.

“Ah, Paisley Hassler.” Lucifer nods to himself propping a hand on his hip. “Im placing you under Loud Phone.” Lucifer sits on his knees and places my phone on the ground, tapping the screen with his off puttingly sharp nails.

“ -Honestly, you can't just think leaving school would fly past me like this, Yuu! Wha- Excuse me who is this?” Guidance Counselor Paisley Ann Hassler or the pain in the hass (am i right... I'm not funny..)for someone who’s supposed to pay attention and listen she excels at the exact opposite, the only thing she's better at is inducing the sudden urge to throw yourself out a window.

“Hello Hassler.” I drawl out voice thick with contempt that definitely flys past whatever balloon she calls a head.

“Call me Ann!”

“Oh right of course, goodbye.” I answer flatly hanging up, I immediately regret this and have half a mind to call back with a million apologies but, I’ve always been known to have a stubborn streak. Ok. No I haven’t but, still.

“Care for a beverage? Snack?” I ask blankly.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve sat down at the table in my unnecessarily lavish dining room.

 

For dinner I decided to prepare a homecooked turkey with lemon glaze with a downright seductive glass of sparkling cider. As I sit down, ready to dig into my decently cut meal I was ever so rudely interrupted.

“Are you trying to tell me something?” Satan, Lucifer raises a suspiciously perfect eyebrow, in his well manicured hand is my copy of ‘Viridion.’ 

“What could you possibly mean?” I question ignoring my mental hissing. Only child syndrome is a bitch.

“Traditionally in my home, authoritative messages are sometimes given through dinner, on occasion when humans have the ability to attract me they attempt to gain favour through use of our customs.” Satan, Lucifer explains waving a fork. “I’d ask you to pass the salt but your presence shames the salt shaker.” He shoots me look, I’m starting to think looks can kill.

“That's extremely unethical, don't touch my stuff.” I eye my book with discomfort, books should have a delete history button. No one needs to know about my GreenSkys fanfic crammed between pages as replacements.

“My Mother would disagree she says it ‘keeps things interesting’, she also said sharing is caring. Of course, this was only needed when my brother had something to hide.”

Shit shit shit.

“What message could I possibly have for you.”

“As if I could understand the frivolous ideas that flutter into the silly human brain of your species, you tell me.” Satan, Lucifer looks at me with a challenge sparking in his eyes. I walk up to him pressing my lips together.

“You really want to know?”

Satan, Lucifer stands up, he towers over me. I can practically feel the coolness of the shadow he casts over me.

“Pardon, did I stutter?” He didn't even attempt to hinder his haughty air from oozing around my much smaller form.

Alright. He isn’t that tall.

“You want to know why I summoned you?” I chuckle placing a hand on his forearm.

“I'm alone, always have been and life is leading me that I always will be,” I shake my head.  
“Fuck I tried, I tried telling an adult, I tried hinting it at my friends, hell, I wrote about it, made up this tiny scene in my head as a kid, that-that i'd become a young renowned author.”  
A bitter chuckle escapes my my mouth.  
“Id reveal my master plan of why the hurt was so real, it was the truth but, then i thought, on one of the empty midnight pity sessions that, no one would care, not anyone that mattered anyway.” I look at up him, Lucifer, and gave a him grin  
“I'm just- so sick of feeling like shit all the time.” I look him in the eye, “Is that what you wanted to hear Luci.” I stand up grabbing my book from his hand. “I hope I got that through to that silly little brain of yours.”

And so, like the dramatic, temporarily ballsy bitch, I am I walked up the stairs with a turn of me heel I learned from too much trash TV.

I lock the door of my room and don’t look back. I want to say It's because I'm a take-no-shit badass but, it's to prevent my knees from unbuckling. I throw myself on the soft silver coloured comforter of my bed with a distinct amount of drama, and open up Viridion. The pages are as soft as Amewdis, my cat who frequently goes missing.  
It’s fine, though he always comes back. Unlike my parents. Ha. I make bad jokes when I'm tired, throw me a bone.

In the back if my mind I’ve always wondered if i was adopted. I have this dream of a memory, or maybe I just want it to be one? Where i hear this faint of humming a woman's voice, a mother's voice, my mind whispers from..somewhere and the plush maternal warmth of another body. For once, I feel at peace. My eyes are closed and I feel vulnerable but the steady thump of a heartbeat, makes makes me feel safe. I’m probably adopted because its more secure than I've felt at home. I feel a warmth travel gently across my head.

“I don't understand, I was simply being truthful.” A deeper much more masculine yet equally soothing voice answers.

L.A.D

I am a very great man, A very great man born of two ineffably amazing women. Not only am I perceptive but, I am the star child of my family. I’ve solved countless problems, rightfully fought others to achieve true justice, I even found Ducky -our beloved family pet, a descendant of cerberus naturally- when I was but in the tender times of toddlerhood and yet this simple but oddly complex issue of human emotion has left me...perplexed. Naturally, I needed to call in someone who an expert on all, a master of knowledge. In the meantime I’ve settled on placing the soft little flesh bag on my lap idly playing with the curled strand in one hand.

 

“Hello Luci.” Eugh, Hang up, try again. 

“Lucifer??” Ahhh, yes. The familiar candied voice flows into my ears. Nothing quite like the soothing tone of a Mother that really reminds you why you strike fear into the hearts of others.

“Hello Mother, I have a problem, I don’t understand I was just being truthful.” And as If I’ve not spoken a word,

 

“Did your cloaking fail again? Do you need more concealer, I told your mother it wasn’t enough-,”

“I’ve upset someone,” I cringe waiting for the inevitable dramatics.  
A faint sniffle, a bit of shuffling. I sigh.  
“Oh Honey..” Her voice cracks. Oh no.  
“You’ve grown up so so much.” 

“Oh no.”

“Just yesterday you were my little sleepy sheepy, who insisted on sleeping-.”

“Im hanging up now as I realised I’ve made a grave mistake. Goodbye.”  
Y.O

“Learning from me already?” My hypothetical witty banter, I’d like to think would be very cool if I hadn’t thought of it 12 hours into the future.

“Y-your hand- me, Hair?”Is the jumblefuck that spews from my eat hole. It is entirely too early for these kind of shenanigans.

“It is 2 pm.” Lucifer supplies, I could feel the vibrations of his voice against his chest. “Paisley called again.” He adds, “Your hair is quite soothing, may I have a piece?”

“I-What?” It's entirely too early to be propositioned like this, I lift my head and look around my room. “Get your feet off my des- Are you watching Glee- ARE YOU WEARING MY ROBE!” I unintentionally jump, landing on the floor with a thud as my back meets wooden floor, my carpet is missing.  
He sighs, “Must you shout? I’m trying to partake in quality telly right now.”

I don’t have enough energy to be anxious about this. I sigh sitting up, running a hand through my hair.  
“Whatever.” I mutter, stand to my feet and push open my door. I can’t deal with this, I need pancakes with a side of honeyed bacon paired with only the most sophisticated drinks of all, apple juice. 

~~

I stare blankly at the mess before me in what I call Homazment, the delicate mixture of horror and amazement. At least that what I like to call the slightly manic laughter that passes through my lips without looking like the joker on a particularly bad day.  
“Yikes,” A voice that isn’t mine mutters in my head. I can practically sense the intimidating presence of Lucifer behind me.  
“D-did you do this?”I ask quietly.  
Lucifer scoffs in offense “Please, I’m much more sophisticated than that.”

“Ok.” I blink “Then, do you by any chance know how to get blood out of carpets.”

 

L.A.D

The kitchen didn’t look unlike a slaughter house- or my brothers room, red splashed against soft peach walls reeking of iron, cutlery scattered on the floor pieces of unidentified flesh attached at the end of some, various jugs of apples juice with many holes in them oozing out a red tinged substance and the carpet. The carpet was hanging on the table, on it some type of fleshbeast with where the stomach would be viciously cut open. 

“Are you-Uh stare much?” Yuu visibly cringes at his wording, however he straightens himself and meets my gaze which I find quite attractive admirable.  
“Yes, I find that you are conventionally attractive symmetrical face and all.” I answer honestly, reaching out a palm to hold his face leaning in to study it. “Cute nose certainly helps.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yo so like....why would you read this..but if you did SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON AND DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT.   
> Click the bell! SUBSCRIBE!
> 
> in all seriousness if you actually liked this and took the time to comment I would love you forever. I love my boy and welcome to a bit of peak into my head except not at all because its venting in the form of giving no one any contect ever. Ill stuff all my feelings in this cryptic bullshit...and then Ill die!
> 
> Hmu @Marsenatsu on Tumblr if you wanna chat. Also read my Fire Emblem fic because....uh self promotion is good!!! Woooot!


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